Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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