Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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