I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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