We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
