You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
