"it" just moved
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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