Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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