We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
