They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
