Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
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I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
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I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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