fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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