This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
