Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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