remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
COCAINE IS GR8
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
