I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
