i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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