ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
