Moan for me like Helen Keller
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
