Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
