the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
