boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
