remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
