He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
