Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
