I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
