He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
