Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
