My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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