Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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