I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
At least life still wants to fuck me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
