he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
