yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
