Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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