bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't deserve a penis
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
