you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
