i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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