My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
