I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
