did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize