its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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