i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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