when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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