Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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