sarcasm needs its own font
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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