there was a trapeze. enough said
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
