My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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