I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
