Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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