yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
