I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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