Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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