New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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