...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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