he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
