I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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