If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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