PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
