Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
