Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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