did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
