you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
