you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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