Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
